Tonight was perfect.
This morning I wanted the weekend to never end. But then i remembered how much I love Sunday dates... So tonight: Japanese.
A Sunday dinner date. Simply the best.
I can't do justice to the mood I'm in right now. Everyone should go out on dates like that more. Just innocent meals with the wharf as a view and conversation containing nothing but perfection.
It's the Sunday part that makes it so perfect. Everything's easy on a Sunday. Think about it. It is. Always.
On this note, what follows is how to have a proper date. You know, that girl and guy cute thing- or girl and girl, guy on guy- what ever, just ya know, that sort with those intentions of that kind you know...
Anyway, read if you want to learn about what a proper date should be like....
"We will meet at a restaurant and it will be a fucking classy joint. And we will maybe have a drink at the bar first so I can get all flirty and touch your shoulder and laugh and maybe even do my Blanche impression. Yes, Blanche from the Golden Girls, and yes, it is a great
impression.
Let me tell you this right now: you will pay for dinner. Yes, I said it. You are a man. I am a
woman. I am a hot woman. I am a sexy funny awesome hot woman. I am not paying for dinner. I am not going to split it. I am not going to do any of that shit. Because earlier that night I blow
dried my hair, put on make up, squeezed my ass into a stretchy American Apparel dress, and shaved everything. And you’re a man. I don’t care that Beyonce is running around in a leotard shouting at us to be proud single ladies: You. Are. Buying. Dinner.
You are required to treat me like Audrey fucking Hepburn on this first date.
By which I mean do not be a douchebag. Be a gentleman. Pretend that the entire date
has Camera Obscura as the soundtrack. Is that fuck music? No, it is not fuck music. It is clean and beautiful and adorable. Like our first date.
Do not invite me your place afterwards for “tea” because that’s bullshit.
You may suggest going to a bar afterwards or a cafe for dessert. That is totally acceptable and totally adorable.
You are going to kiss me at the end of this date, motherfucker. It is going to be so fucking pure and awesome that I should be able to hear Sixpence None The Richer playing in my head while it’s happening.
You will then make plans for the second date, right there and then. You will not say, “I’ll call you.” You will not say, “I’ll text you.” And under any circumstances will you NOT say, “I’ll facebook you.” If you say that I will facebook your FACE.
Because then I will not be able to stop thinking about you. I will be reminded of you every time I see a green M&M or an advertisement for 1-800-CLOSETWORLD. Why? Because we will have private jokes about these things. I will facebook stalk you and look at all of your photos and imagine me in them. I will never, ever tell you this. And then on the next date I will kiss you so fucking hard your face will FUCKING SHATTER. CAN YOU DEAL WITH THAT SHIT?"
